Thursday, November 15, 2007

my name is gordon and im taxaholic

Gordon brown is the latest person to enter the taxaholics room for the last 10 years when he was the chancellor of the exchequer , he admits to having a little obsession with taxes . He admits there might have been the odd stealth tax , the odd bit of tax on fuel , alcohol and cigarettes , but ya know he says im here to become a changed man . Now that im prime minister and all , it might be a bit hard well taxing everyhing which moves . So really im here to change myself and become a better person .

OK GORDY --the head of the taxaholics person says lets here your tax and woe story .

Gordon then precedes to go ahead . He says to the rest of the attendees at the taxaholic anoymous club , im really sorry this may take a long time , there was so many tax increases in so many different areas , that well i dont really know where to start

Another tax anoynmous attendee shouts out HOW about the beginning , and then you can all tell us the heartwarming tale , of how you took more and more of our money as taxes .

Then the head of taxaholics person says --now now everyone deserves a fair chance lets hear gordy speak how long do you reckon you'll be gordy

GORDON BROWN : oh you know just the small matter of 1-2 days , not really that long for me i mean im used to waiting, after all i wanted to be prime minister for ten years . it's about time someone else had to wait apart from me

HEAD OF TAXAHOLICS : sorry gordy but this meeting only lasts for 2 hours -- how about the edited highlights

GORDON BROWN( in droning voice ) -- well it all started in may 1997 when New Labour won the election and i became chancellor of the exchequer. well you see in my ten years in power there was a slight raising of the tax burden . it kinda increases from a manageable 39.3% of total GDP to around well 42.2% .

HEAD OF TAXAHOLICS : Forgive me gordon because well im not really versed in economics , especially in taxes who pays for taxes ?

Gordon(stumbling political talk) well err , errm i dont know quite how to break it to you , but it's quite hard to explain and you know it's really not that important who pays for taxes + those tax increases --

ANGRY TAXAHOLICS ANOYMOUS PERSON: I forgot politicians never give a straight answer to a straight question ladies and gentleman we pay for Gordy and his tax rises ..

HEAD OF TAXAHOLICS : so gordon how have these tax increase as your time as the chancellor of exchequer how did you spend them -- you know the first sign of coming to terms with your illness is admitting to the damage your actions caused to others

GORDON(Solemn): well i gave a lot of money to the NHS , in fact for the first 4 years between 1997 +2001 there was a 7% increase in spending , the problem was the money wasn't spent a lot on frontline services , but we did get a shiny tier of new management and a lot more targets you know quite important stuff really .

OTHER TAXAHOLICS PERSON : I still dont undertand though how did all that help us

GORDON(CONFUSED) Well im not sure really , you see i just thought you had to throw money at a problem and hey presto it'd be solved i didn't know you had to specify where that money would go --sorry guys i guess that was a bit of a bulls up on my part .

TAXAHOLICS PERSON: Ok Gordon go ahead

Gordon Brown: Im really sorry guys im going to have to go , i forgot i never say sorry

Chorus from the back of the Meeting : RESIGN GORDON!